


Nevermind, I've found someone like you

by TerresDeBrume



Series: Rumor Has It (We're all selfish morons) [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Epistolary, M/M, Pining, Regret, Tragic assholes and stubborn dicks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-07
Updated: 2012-10-07
Packaged: 2017-11-15 19:49:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/531060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerresDeBrume/pseuds/TerresDeBrume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unfortunately,  letters that weren't meant to be read sometimes end up finding a reader all the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nevermind, I've found someone like you

**Author's Note:**

> I blame everything on Adele, Choderlos de Laclos and Yasmina Khadra.

_  
_ **September 02, 2011.**

_Tony_

_You are the most stubborn, self destroying, tragic asshole I have ever met, and in case you forgot, I’ve had to live with myself for the past twenty seven years so that’s saying something._

_Why did you have to keep that to yourself? Why did you have to keep me in the dark? Did you try to protect me? Haven’t you learned anything from the stories I told you? You know I hate it when people lie to me for my own protection. You know that, and yet you still did it and best friend or not, I can’t not hate you for that._

_I can’t even believe I’m here, in bed with Thor instead of in your room throwing furniture at your head for being such a dumbass. Everything would have been so much easier if you’d told me –do you even know how hard it was for me to let go of you?_

_You have no idea, Tony, because it was easy for you. It was, wasn’t it? Deciding you weren’t good enough, that it wasn’t worth trying._

_Oh, I can almost picture it, that moment when you put two and two together and thought no, no way, I’m not telling him. Because that’s all it took, wasn’t it? Just a split moment, and everything was sealed. You know what, I bet I can even tell when that happened. When we went to celebrate the fourth of july with your friend Steve… do you remember that one? There was a malfunction in the firing system and the fireworks ended up being cancelled._

_I can still see you in the yard, with your firework stick and your coke –you’d tried to quit drinking then, too. Your face did that illumination thing it does when you suddenly solve a problem, and then you looked at me and for one second it looked like your old man was in the house. I didn’t know –didn’t realize at the time, but now I know._

_Do you have any idea how long it took me to come to the same conclusion Tony? Ten years. Ten fucking years of hoping there would be something to tell me maybe we could be something together. Ten years I spent hoping one day you’d be ready to hear what I had to say without freaking out, but the moment never came._

_Sometimes I regret that I wanted to respect your issues. Sometimes I wish I’d just told you and let you deal with it._

_Most of the time I just wish you and I weren’t such morons, that would save us a lot of time._

_You know how they say hate isn’t the opposite for love, right? I’ve spent a long time thinking they were wrong but then, how do I explain the fact that I’m angrier at you for doing this than I ever was at my dad for everything he did to me?_

_Hate is not the opposite of love, Tony, it’s a product of it, and perhaps it says a lot that I have never hated anyone as much as I hate you now._

_Perhaps, if you’d talked to me, you would know that I may never love anyone the way I love you._

_But you didn’t._

_And I’m married._

_I suppose that’s an end to that then._

_Do both of us a favor though, next time I ask if I can look through your desk for scissors, please don’t say yes._

 

Beside Loki, Thor stirs in his sleep, curling closer to the coolness of the wall, his nose pressed against it. He is beautiful, always has been, but it was never what Loki loved in him, and tonight he sees it less than ever. He folds his letter and puts it in the envelope he’d put their plane tickets in before going to sleep, face turned away from Thor’s back so as to not wake him up by crying on his skin.

 

In the morning, when Loki wakes up, Thor is already out for his run –Loki likes to do his in the evening- and the envelope is still where he left it.

Loki is burning it in the kitchen sink –Tony is seeing his therapist this morning- when Thor comes in with a smile on his face and sweat soaking his shirt.

 

“Morning sunshine!” He says as he goes to embrace Loki.

“Thor!” He protests, “Please, take a shower before you hug me, you’re gross!”

“Alright,” Thor says, sobering quicker than usual. “Alright, I’ll go shower.”

 

He smiles again, a bit more subdued, and turns on his heels to join the bathroom.

 

“Thor!” Loki calls, smiling to his one-year husband.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

 

Loki means it.

 

It’s just too bad there’s someone he loves more.

**Author's Note:**

> Buckets of tear, knives in the heart and comments are always welcome! [<3](http://fanfanwitres.tumblr.com/ask)


End file.
